It’s been too long since I last blogged. Typing this right now is bringing back lots of memories, good and bad.
As many of you know, I tried to kill myself on 5/20/2011.
This attempt was very serious. Months of planning and plotting coupled with hundreds of dollars spent on drugs from India went into it. I carried that exact date in my head for weeks – in a cruel way, it kept me going. *Please do a search if you want more info.*
Anyway, since I am no longer in that state of mind, I have been thinking a lot about how I felt then. I’ve been trying to organize my thoughts into something coherent, but they’re just not coming together. I still want to share them though. My hope is that by sharing them and starting a discussion with you (if anyone still reads this), it will bring me some closure.
So over the next few days, I will be doing a series of posts detailing some of my notes/thoughts.
Depression is waiting.
Time moved slower. I moved slower, as I waited for something – anything, really – to change. The days grew longer, and the only thing that seemed to make speed them up, were thoughts of an exit. Death, in other words.