Daily Archives: September 12, 2010

Although I don’t like to limit myself, I think it’s important to set a few rules for this blog. I’m a masochist. I enjoy writing about my issues, and I want to continue doing so. But I know that I’m just doing too much. Too much writing. Too many interventions. Too much of everything. I’m stretching myself thin. I have got to give myself a break and just relax every now and then. These rules are meant less as restrictions and more as preventive measures to keep myself from becoming emotionally fatigued and entering into a depression. They are lessons from my previous blog.

1. No more than one post per day and five posts per week. This could be hard. Remember: Quality, not Quantity.
2. Don’t share everything. I don’t need to explain every yoga class or go into detail about every single therapy session. You don’t care, and it’s too difficult for me to spend all my free time just typing up blog posts summarizing everything that happened to be in a given day.
3. Only one extremely emotional post per week. These posts obviously take a toll on me and stir up lots and lots of emotions. As much as I’d like to, I can’t do them every single day.
4. Have fun. This may sound strange, but I love writing, even if it’s about my dark sides. When it stops becoming fun, I’ll stop writing.
5. Remain conscious of my goals. This blog is for you, but it’s mostly for me. My hope is that you’ll see yourself in some of my words. I want them to be as much of a comfort for you as they are for me. With that said, though, this blog has to be more about me, because I’m writing about such deep issues. If I don’t think it’s serving me anymore, I will stop writing.
6. Do other things. I can’t let this blog take control of my life. I have to stay focused on school. I also need to try to not let my thoughts focus solely on the content of this blog. I have other interests, other areas I’d like to focus on.
7. Break the rules. Of course. Can’t be good all the time. If I want to write 10 posts in one week, I’ll do that. If I want to detail everything that happens in a single day, I’ll do that too. You get the idea.
8. Don’t talk about suicide. Actually, it’s okay to talk about–in moderation. Sometimes I think writing actually intensifies my anxiety and depression. By talking about them, I feed my ego, which, in turn, increases my hold on my issues. The more I feed it, the harder it is to release. I identify more and more, in other words. It’s just a theory. Suicidal thoughts are not something I want to intensify of course. I’ll look at them objectively: just state I felt suicidal without hashing out the specific thoughts or feelings. Besides, this blog is not meant to shock people. If it happens, it happens. There will be ups and downs, but my hope is that my first post (yesterday’s) was by far the worst (rock bottom) and, from this point on, I move in a positive direction–forward, up, and out.
9. Try not to compare. I often compare my writing to others’ writing. This brings me down, especially when I focus on style. I don’t think I’ve really found a voice yet, so when I look at other writing, I immediately put mine down. Whether I like it or not, my writing as of late has affected my overall self-worth. If my writing depresses me, then I become depressed.
10. Digress. I think it’s important to allow myself to digress at times. Being a graduate student and having to write a lot of formal papers, I often take the same formal approach for my blog posts. It’s okay to be less formal and stray from topic now and then. It can be good, in fact.
11. Once a post is posted, it’s complete. Except in the case of this post, I can’t be always going back to make edits to posts. It’s time consuming and confusing for the reader. Plus, it feeds into my perfectionist nature. It’s okay to fix grammar, just not the content. If something needs changing, I need to address my thoughts in a new post.

There’s more. There’s always more. If I think if more, I’ll add them in later. Also these rules are just suggestions. If I break them, no biggie. But I still think that it’s in my best interest–and the best interest of the blog–to adhere to them as best I can. Feel free to suggest some if you can think of any.