a setback

As expected, depression caught up to me last night. Along with it came intense claustrophobia, which brought anxiety and at times near panic; sadness; unfulfillment; and the inability to do even the most basic tasks.

I tried to just go with it, to let the feelings pass by actually feeling them, but they became too intense. I binged on food, which didn’t help, and then tried to binge on alcohol but after one drink I felt sick. I spent most of the night lying on my bed in the fetal position unable to move.

Suicidal thoughts returned in full force. I felt like I did two weeks ago. I’m disappointed with myself for succumbing to the depression and binging.


3 responses to “a setback

  1. Sorry to hear you are again so depressed Mike. Try not to beat yourself up over your coping mechanisms – you are doing the best you can possibly do I bet. You didn’t cause your own depression either. I know it must be frustrating for you to once again be in this dark place. Hope you can find someone to talk to about how you feel. take care

  2. How was your therapist appointment? I found when I was really depressed, pushing through to the next appointment was helpful.

    • I saw my therapist on Tuesday. I felt great then. But you’re right: pushing through does help–and it’s all I can do really.

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