that’s not me

I had a great time at Thanksgiving (a large social gathering), and I’m even looking forward to seeing my girlfriend’s family again next weekend.

I had two class presentations last week that went well.

My anticipatory anxiety has been somewhat under control.

I still got depressed, though. But this past week, when I wanted to binge, I didn’t. Instead of focusing on my negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions, I went running–which lifted my mood in a positive, proactive way.

Today I volunteered in my neighborhood to help with graffiti removal. I made conversation and connected with a few people–and I felt confident doing it. There was a gathering afterward, at a local pizza restaurant, but I decided to skip it–I need to be careful to not do too much, too quickly.

Anyway, these past few weeks I haven’t been myself–and yet I have. When I read over this post, I immediately think, That’s not me. But it is. I am getting better, and I have some evidence to point to.

I can connect. I can converse. I can have a good time.

Bottom line: I am making much more progress than I think.

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12 responses to “that’s not me

  1. Well done. Look back on this if you feel more downhearted again. πŸ™‚

  2. Yes you are and I am very proud of you! *smiles*

  3. Good for you! I recently read a book about depression, and it said the illness often transforms you into a different person because you do a lot of thinking about yourself and often make changes that cause the transformation as a result. I’ve been feeling the same way you do about myself these past few weeks. I know I’m not the person I used to be, but I feel as if I am turning into someone I would have never imagined I would become. I look forward to becoming someone I wasn’t. I agree with the other readers – You’re making a lot of progress and should absolutely be proud of yourself! πŸ™‚

  4. So proud and happy for you Mike πŸ™‚ You’re actively fighting for the good which is a great example for all of us.

  5. I’m so glad things are going well! You are still you, you are the same person inside. You are just shedding the stuff that was holding you back, and more of the inside can come out now.

  6. Thanks everyone! I really cannot express how much I value all of your support. πŸ™‚

  7. That’s wonderful! Even if it feels a bit odd because in the past you wouldn’t have done those things, maybe this is now you- someone who is more confident and making progress.

    Take care,
    Cassie

    • Thanks Cassie! I know you’ve been going through some tough times these past few weeks. I hope you are feeling better. I’m doing my best to send some of my positive energy in your direction (while it lasts). πŸ™‚

  8. I’m glad things are going well for you at this point. I think it’s good that you are stepping out yet looking after yourself as well. I enjoy volunteering myself. Volunteering for me helps to take my focus off of myself for a while.
    I like your bottom line.

    • I totally agree. When I’m in the midst of volunteering, I can sort of transcend my anxiety. I also do adult literacy tutoring once a week. I hardly feel any anxiety at all during it. I wish I could do that for a living!

  9. Hi,
    I’ve been reading and clicking around on your blog and so thought I’d say hi! I found it via Harriet’s blog. I really like your blog. I’ve been identifying with quite a few things and it’s really helpful. I didn’t think CBT was very deep or helpful before, but reading your blog I’m understanding it some more and changing my mind.

    • Hey Myst. Thanks for commenting. πŸ™‚ I really didn’t think CBT went very deep or was very helpful either when I tried it a few years ago. But I’ve been giving it more of a chance this time, and I really feel like it’s changing a lot of my thinking patterns.

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