back in san francisco

I got back yesterday. Honestly, I miss Kansas City and my family. Even though we didn’t get to talk about the letter, I think a lot was accomplished, and I had a lot of fun with my family. My relationship to them is different. On the surface, we’re the same, but deeper down, I think there’s more understanding between all of us. It’s strange being back. I feel like a part of me is still in Missouri. I feel like I could walk out of my apartment right now and be back there.

***

I’ve been thinking more about this blog and decided that I want to spend less time on it–and the “blogsphere” as a whole. I’m getting a lot out of writing about my issues, and I am so grateful for all the support I’ve received. I cannot thank you all enough. I am going to probably spend one day a week posting, answering comments, and reading other blogs.

That said, I am feeling a lot better about life in general. I’m doing more, engaging more, and, for the most part, I’m happy. There are days where I feel down, but, at the end of the day, all feels right. I think it’s a combination of all my interventions–and, again, your support. Also, over the holidays, I think I finally realized that social anxiety is my choice. That is, it’s my choice how much of my soul I put into social anxiety. I am the one in control. Social anxiety is not who I am. It’s not my friend, it’s not my child–it’s a part of me, but it’s not me.

Finally, I got runner up for Best Neurotic, Stress-Related and Somatorm Disorders Blog over at Mental Nurse for the 2010 TWIM Awards. I’m surprised, especially considering how new my blog is. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks to them and to those who voted for me.

I hope everyone is well. I’m looking forward to catching up on my favorite blogs later today. And Happy New Year!

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16 responses to “back in san francisco

  1. Congratulations on winning your blog award! Your writing and expressions of yourself are excalibir; you deserve it!

    You know what is best for yourself, I will always be here for you my friend, blog or no blog. πŸ™‚

  2. Welcome back! I’m glad to hear that you made a lot of progress during the holidays. I decided to spend less time online myself because I want to spend more time on my other issues like finding my next job. It is encouraging to see you make progress like this because you and I deal with many similar issues. I’m happy that you will continue your blog because I think I can learn a lot from you. I look forward to continuing to read your blog and learning more about you!

  3. Welcome back, Mike!
    Even though you didn’t talk about the letter it seems like it planted some seeds as you’re relating to each other on a deeper level. That’s definitely progress!
    It appears that the trip agreed with you. You sound like you’re in a healthy state of mind.
    Congrats on the award.
    ml

    • It’s strange, but I feel really content not only with my relationship with my parents, but with them as people. They have their faults–we all do–but I was able to focus more on their positives this time. It felt good.

  4. Glad to hear you’re feeling better about life πŸ™‚
    And congrats on the award!

  5. Hey Mike,
    Sounds great that things are getting better for you and you are feeling better. Also, congrats for the award! πŸ™‚ I have been reading your blog but haven’t been replying … not exactly sure why.

    My situation is also a lot better. I went to a meeting today and it was a very different experience. A few symptoms here and there but it almost felt like as if it was a new experience – something that I haven’t felt before. Interestingly, for many people this is “normal” but to me it feels new.

    Keep going πŸ™‚

    VanDamme

  6. Glad you are happy, Mike, and that your visit with your family went well, even though you didn’t discuss the letter. I’ll miss you around blogland, but definitely understand that you need to step back, and deal with the real world. I’m starting to feel that way myself.

    • I’m actually missing everybody, but I know I just need to focus on things in the real world right now. Maybe as things settle–that is, when I find a job–and have a little more time, I’ll start updating regularly again.

  7. I’m glad to hear the holidays treated you well Mike. Sometimes family can really ground us and sooth our hearts. I hope these moments of feeling good stay with you for a long, long time and congrats on the award!!

  8. This may come across odd. I miss you. Hope everything is going well for you!

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